by Jonathan Lacy, Principal of STS Risk Management Group
I became a 1-1 Mentor in Compeer’s youth program last June. In that short time, I am happy to report that I have already been deeply enriched by being a part of this important program. Some of that enrichment came from my interactions with my wonderful Compeer friend and his family and some came from the most unexpected source: Compeer self-care kits.
Before I get to that, a little bit about me: In the last several years, my two children grew up, became independent, and moved away. Also, I retired from a career and started a small business. During that time of major life changes, I did a lot of thinking about the things that mattered to memost to me. The idea of using my experience to serve and support others kept coming up. I thought of this as my sense of purpose.
My Compeer journey started when a person I know through my work and respect a great deal told me that they were involved with Compeer what a great organization it was. A meeting with a very kind member of Compeer leadership was arranged. During that meeting, I learned of the different programs that the organization offers and of how I might be able to get involved.
I found the application process to be organized and efficient and was kept informed every step of the way. Rather than being overwhelming, I found it comforting to know how much effort Compeer went through to ensure the welfare of its clients, volunteers and staff. The thoroughness, communication, and organization at this stage filled me with a sense of confidence that I was being supported by a great organization as I embarked upon this major undertaking. As the process progressed and I started training, I began to get excited about the prospect of being matched someday soon.
Now to the best part: the match. The process of being matched was one that filled me with excitement and – admittedly – a few nerves. I liked the idea that the client and their parent (as this was a youth client) had input into the process just like I did. I noticed that the description provided to me of the youth with whom I was ultimately matched told a story of someone who had experienced challenges that were similar to ones I had at his age. This reminded me of mysense of purpose, and it seemed to me the perfect fit.
Once a match had been made, my match and I lost no time and made plans to meet. We spent a Saturday afternoon at the AKG Gallery, enjoying the art, food, and getting to know each other. I was so impressed that of the few activities I suggested, he picked the gallery, because it was something new to him. As we enjoyed the art, we had our first conversation. I learned of my match’s love of computer gaming and how he was really good at math. I noticed that he was really interested in learning things about me and asked thoughtful questions. I told him about my family, my interests, and my dog.
Since that first meeting, we have been to two Gaming Nights, a Crafting Corner, the Friendship Fest, and a trip to Niagara Falls. Each of these events provided an opportunity to get to know each other. We found a nice balance of one-on-one and group activities by going for a sandwich before some of them. I think we both appreciated the sense of acceptance and community we felt in every one of these Compeer activities. I credit the Compeer staff for this. They seemed to genuinely enjoy being there and that was contagious. So was the laughter, especially during games of Spoons and Uno!
These activities became something to look forward to, and we packed the summer with them, knowing that once school started, schedules would be fuller. I think these activities were also – for both of us – a change to our normal routines. Getting out of the house and seeing new places with other people put smiles on both of our faces. And, over that time period, we became friends.
At several of these activities, I was given a self-care kit, which consisted of a bag that contained a variety of cool things that were aimed at encouraging its recipient to take a moment to do something for their own wellbeing. Honestly, the kits sat for a few days before I went through them, and I was pleased to find several items that continue to help or inspire me on a daily basis.As I write this, I have two cool fidget toys that sit on my desk.
The activities that we did on our own, or were organized by Compeer, were really important, notfor their own sake, but to foster the ongoing mentoring friendship that is being built through them. Before starting my Compeer journey, I thought that consistency, acceptance, and supportiveness would be important parts of a friendship. I have learned just how much they are. I have also learned how important building a strong mentoring relationship is for the times when a friend is experiencing challenging times. And how helpful it can be to someone to have a cheerleader who accepts one how they are when they experience life’s challenges.
Another lesson I’ve learned through my time with Compeer came from one of those self-care kits. It is written on one of several magnetic sticky notes that I now have on the front of a metal cabinet in my home office. It reads, “Reminder. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are doing your best.” I credit my wife, Meredith, and Compeer with developing my understanding of self-care. It was a topic covered in the Mental Health First Aid training and reiterated in the self-care kits. I used to view self-care as something for other people – something I was just too busy to think about. I now see it as a vital gift one can give oneself that ripples out into the community by making us more present to help others.
So, in the words printed on one of the other items in a self-care kit, remember, “You matter!” and “You don’t need anyone else’s approval!” I wish you the best in your Compeer journey.
